I Bought An Away Carry-On, Now I’m Better Than You

The Away website touts the iconic Carry-On, “a durable polycarbonate hard shell and 360° spinner wheels that ensure a smooth ride, this suitcase is built to last.” What they don’t advertise is the massive superiority complex that comes from pulling their signature bag through small Midwestern airports.

As a new Away Carry-On owner, that is what I am now gifted with. The absolute assurance that I am cooler, prettier, smarter, and more interesting than every other traveler.

Last month, when I boarded my Spirit flight from Louisville, Kentucky to LAX, the other passengers could see that I was no tourist. They were going to Los Angeles to visit, I was going back to my home. We were not the same. I was, and still am, better than them. I own an Away Carry-On.

It’s true. My $245 roller bag is sleek and fashionable. Karlie Kloss has the same Away Carry-On in blue, so we’re basically the same. I am also a glamorous fashion icon.

Since upgrading to an Away Carry-On, my skin has become clearer, my hair has become shinier, and I have become more graceful. When I enter a room with my Away Carry-On, heads turn. Men and women want me and want to be me.

When I roll my Away Carry-On through the airport terminal, other passengers look to me for answers. “How can we solve world hunger?” “Is it possible to achieve world peace?” “Where is the Sbarro?” Only the woman with the Away Carry-On will know. I am that woman.

The Away Carry-On doesn’t just have four wheels and a compression system, it grants the owner with access to a higher vibrational frequency. It isn’t just a piece of luggage, but a ticket to the upper echelon of existence.

I own an Away Carry-On. I am God.